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Archive for April, 2011

Lethargic

Yesterday seemed to be a long day. There were a few factors causing the day to be long. The first being the weather. There is no sign of warm weather. It rained, it snowed, and the wind blew. This has been the pattern as of late. Another reason yesterday was a long a day was the fact that it was the second day without a Habs playoff game. Yes I am a Habs fan, I enjoy the playoffs. Especially after a loss, waiting two nights to watch them play is a long time. You have to sit with that bitter taste of defeat, and even worse you get leaf fans making comments about it(which I still don’t get, seeing as they’ve been out of the playoffs the past few years. Let me know how to win playoff games when you actually play one). OK got that off my chest. And finally, the third reason yesterday was a long day was because it was spent at the doctors office with my little girl Olivia.

It started Sunday night with her vomiting right before I left for church. Her food from the afternoon came up. She then continued to throw up. She seemed to be ok as the vomiting stopped, but she was not interested in eating. Monday the same thing happened, she threw up the liquids she had been drinking (still not really eating). Tuesday was a repeat performance of the previous two. Funny thing is, in between throwing up and not eating, she was her regular self, having fun, loving the park. All seemed to be good.

Then came Wednesday morning. She woke up earlier than usual with a cry, so I went to get her from her bed, brought her into our bed where she would hang with her mom while I got ready for work. She vomited again, but this time things seemed different. She had absolutely no energy, to the point where sitting her on the bed resulted in her just flopping onto her side wanting to sleep. No expression on her face whatsoever. It was quite sad really. As one friend said to me, it’s really hard when they can’t communicate what they are feeling. We brought her to the urgent care to get her checked out. No fever, just dehydrated and very lethargic. Normally when a doctor is trying to check on her she is fussy, but this time there was no movement from her at all. They of course wanted to monitor her so we stayed quite a while, making sure she was keeping down the fluids. She did, so they let us go home with clear instructions of “if she vomits twice, bring her right to the hospital”. As of this morning, no more vomiting and she is more active. (she and I both danced to the mickey mouse song “Hot Dog”. I was trying to be like Goofy)

I sat and thought a lot about this whole situation and I thought about how I was feeling when I saw her so emotionless, it was frustrating and sad. My insides were saying, “Ok come on, this is not you, smile at me, giggle, do something”, but nothing. I then began to think about God, and how He looks at us when we have become lethargic in our relationship with Him. I know, some of you might think, “ya ya go ahead and make it a spiritual blog”, and I am :). Truth is there have been plenty of times when my relationship with Him has been so very lethargic. I love the dictionary, so bare with me as I give a few definitions.

Lethargic: Sluggish and apathetic.

Sluggish: Lacking energy or alertness. Slow to respond or make progress.

Apathetic: showing or feeling no interest, enthusiasm, or concern

I don’t think we were ever mean to become any of these things in our relationship with Christ. Maybe it’s just me, but I believe that every day our life should be filled with enthusiasm. I know there are some days that are tough, situations that are tough, and the list can go on as to why we can choose to be down and out, but the reality is we have every reason to be enthusiastic, every reason to be excited, every reason to rejoice. That reason is Him. I heard someone say recently, “We don’t worship Him because of our love for Him, but we worship Him because of His love for us”. Yes I do worship Him because I love Him, but I only love Him because He first loved me. But what happens when we realize that it’s not about our love for Him but His love for us, we can find a reason to worship Him everyday, because His love never stops. And by worship Him everyday I don’t mean you have to wake up put on your best worship mix. (you know the one that makes you lift your hands more than the other cd’s you have, the one where you’ve memorized every word in the song, even the part where the worship leader is expressing their heart to God, and you sing those same words as if you wrote them. You know you have that one cd)I mean worship with Him in every way.

One thing I noticed with my daughter being sick was that her being lethargic was a result of other things adding up. She was throwing up, but still active. She was not eating, but still active. A few days of those symptoms mixed together adds up to her being lethargic.

Our relationship with Christ doesn’t just go from passion to lethargy, but there are symptoms, and lethargy is the result. Stop praying, stop reading the word, stop going to church (yes going to church actually is important, no matter what people might say to you). Eventually when you stop a lot of what God is trying to get into your system, you’ll find yourself non-responsive to him, and distant.

I leave you with this. Just as I sat there saying “come on Liv, this isn’t you, smile, giggle, do something” I believe there are many times where God is doing the very same thing “talk to me, listen to me. This isn’t you. This is not how you are suposed to be”.

Thanks for reading.

Gilly

Hebrews 2:1(MSG) “It’s crucial that we keep a firm grip on what we’ve heard so that we don’t drift off.”

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Being Consistent

Hello? Any one there? Please tell me someone is reading this..Well incase you are, my name is Adam, and i’m inconsistent.

This is not the first time I’ve decided to start writing a blog, but reality is I’ve never been consistent enough to actually finish writing one. I often sit back and think “maybe I’ll start writing a blog, I mean everyone else is, so why not..” (this may or may not have been an exact quote of something I actually said to myself). To be honest, blogging isn’t the only thing that i’ve been inconsistent with.

Working out is another one. I know I know, why do I need to work is probably the question you are asking me, because you have seen how I look, and really, can you really improve what i’ve got going on (please note I am not this cocky). But, yes working out is something I’d like to do, have tried doing, and have recently started and have stayed, for the most part, consistent.

The list could go on with things I’ve been inconsistent with, and I ask myself, why am I so inconsistent? One reason for being inconsistent is the thought of failure. I have realized that failure is normal, and it only helps me improve, but if we can be honest here, I still struggle with the fear of failure. “what if my blog sucks?” Sounds like a crazy fear, but it’s true. “What if nobody reads this?” “What if i’m not creative enough”. All of these thoughts have crossed my mind when it comes to blogging. They are also there when it comes to working out. “What if i don’t reach the goals i set out” “what if at the end of all this hard work, i’m still out  of shape and a B cup” (ya i said it). So my philosophy has been, don’t try or give up quietly so no one notices your failure.

Another area in which I’ve always struggled with being inconsistent has been in my relationship with Jesus. In case you were not aware, I love Jesus. But, it’s sad to say that i’m inconsistent. It’s frustrating because I’m aware of what He says about me, how much He loves me, and what He did/does for me, and yet i’m still inconsistent. When I say inconsistent, i’m not saying, today i’m a Christian and tomorrow I’m not. I am saying though, that in the small things, sometimes a bit bigger than small things, i’m inconsistent, and a big part of that is fear of failure.

I’m afraid that i’ll disappoint Him if i’ve done something the wrong way, like hitting a rock instead of speaking to it so water would come out of it. Please note that God did not ask me to do this, that was Moses, but if it was me, I’d be afraid of letting Him down because I didn’t talk to the rock properly so i saw no water. I’d also be afraid of the people watching me talk to a rock, i mean they are thirsty and i’m whispering sweet nothings into the ear of the rock..can you imagine if they didn’t get the water? Fail. (as I write this, the thought has come to mind that God could ask me to speak to a rock, to this I say “God please ask Aaron, thanks”)

For me it’s I don’t want to let Him down, and so at times i’ve found it easier to quit or not act in obedience just so I can avoid the failure. Here’s what i’ve learned, and I’m still learning, as I grow. It’s not the end result of my obedience that God is pleased with, it’s my obedience to Him. I think sometimes, He is well aware that it might not work out as we mapped out in our head, but the fact that we listened to Him, is what pleases Him, and my purpose is to please Him. 2 Corinthians 5:9 (msg) says “Cheerfully pleasing God is the main thing, and that’s what we aim to do, regardless of our conditions.”

My purpose is to please Him, and the best way to please Him, is to be obedient to Him.

That’s all for me. Oh my goodness, i just realized I’m about to post this..what if no one reads this?

Gilly (Adam)

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